While I snoozed on the sofa and had disturbing dreams about small planes Z indulged his latest passion, Flight Simulator. And while I dreamed about being trapped in Cessnas and soaring on thermals and an incessant, maddening beeping noise Z pretended to fly some anarchic glider plane over the desert whose instruments made the very beeping noise that nearly pushed me over the edge in my dreams.
So upon waking at 4am from yet another airplane-mare in which my husband had somehow acquired a Cessna and was proposing to store it in the garden and use our street as an airstrip from which to take off, and I could not make him see that this was in fact WRONG and NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
N: *still groggy* YOU ARE A MANIAC!
Z: *looking up from computer* Why?
N: Because a normal person who has to get up at 7:30 am would not be playing computer games at 4 am! Also, they wouldn’t be proposing to use the street as an airstrip!
Z: *puzzled* er, what?
N: Oh, I think that might have been a part of my dream. Never mind that. BUT I AM STILL RIGHT ABOUT COMPUTER GAMES.
Z: But light of my life, it’s not a computer game. It is a flight simulator that proper pilots use. This is an uplifting studious activity which is helping me acquire new skills.
N: It is not helping you acquire new skills! That WOULD be an actual point IF you were in flight school. But you are not a pilot! You are a telecomms engineer! And a maniac!
Z: But this is a proper training programme for pilots! Apparently 9/11 terrorists were able to fly planes on the basis of having done lots of simulations….
N: Well, I don’t care because you are not a terrorist either! Only a maniac! And if one day we are stuck on a plane and the pilot dies and then the copilot dies and then the air hostess asks if there’s anyone onboard who knows how to fly and you stand up and are able to do it on the basis of flight simulants THEN I will apologise. And I won’t say another word. But in the meantime, for fuck’s sakes, just go to bed.
Z: But what about all the skills I am honing?
N: There are no skills! This prepares you for flying planes just about as much as watching House trains me to be a doctor. You are not a pilot!
Z: *dejectedly* My dreams are being crushed here.
12 Comments
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Oh my god, I’m finally special enough for my very own Japanese Anonymous Spammer! Thank you for this glorious day.
Yes yes, if Z had seen Snakes On A Plane he would know this already. (It was a very educational film; I learned lots about how to the characteristics of different snakes too!)
Oh dear, maybe I should steer him away from it lest he take it into his head to proclaim himself a reptilian expert and decide that from now on all our dates should take place in London Zoo…
Oh, please. You KNOW he’s playing out that exact fantasy in his head. First the pilot, then the co-pilot, fall to a mysterious illness. The flight attendant, voice shaking, gets on the PA system to ask whether any of the passengers have flying experience….fast forward to a bumpy but safe landing, many cheers for Z, and lots of free drinks.
In addition to “Snakes on a Plane,” Z needs to watch “Airplane.”
Dammit, you mean that all those hours playing Baldur’s Gate 2 isn’t going to teach me much needed skills in how to be a raging barbarian?!?
I was hoping to try out a beserk rage at work…
My wife goes on the internet on our desktop machine while I play on my work laptop… domestic bliss through multiple computers.
I am afraid you’ll never be a real looter….
welcome home sweetie
)
I think you should take these things. You could make a videodocumentary, and a small fortune.
I have something for you. may i have your address please?
You KNOW he’s playing out that exact fantasy in his head.
Heh, I think you’re right. I also think that my dream where he uses the street as an airstrip is his secret dream too.
But of course!
54A Priory Road
London NW6 3RE
How are you doing, other than getting conned at cars? You need to write more stuff.
x
of course, i meant tape.
thank you lots
)
do you want shiny, or useful?
)
a hard decision!
I think i should probably go with useful.